Rosalie's Birthday
by AliiceMariie
Summary: It's Rosalie's birthday. For that cause, Emmett got her something that money can't buy. WARNING:Might cause your eyes to burn. For adult readers only! One-shot.


**Disclaimer:If I owned Twilight, I would be spending money like a maniac instead of posting stories on a website and nervously waiting for reviews. You got the message.**

It is 17 August 2009.

For you, that might not be a very important time. But for me, it is.

It's my 94th birthday.

I know, it is irrational to celebrate birthdays for a person who is going to live forever. But it makes me feel a bit human. The only thing I ever wanted. So I'm holding on to every crumb of humanity I have left, if any.

Anyway, ignore my sad whinings. I promised myself and my family that I was going to enjoy today.

First, we went hunting. Somehow, Emmett arranged all my favourite preys to wander too close.

Then, we savored the very rare sun of Forks, which we would have to leave soon.

Just as we were all very calm and happy, Alice started jumping up and down like a maniac, stepping on Jasper a couple of times in the process with her 6 inch stilettos.

"PRESENT TIME!" she yelled. We tried ignoring her for a while until she ripped off Edward's arm and threatened us to beat us up with it if we didn't get inside.

I was sitting on the living room floor, buried under boxes and packing paper and I'm not gonna lie, really enjoying it like a kid in Christmas morning. Just as I finished ripping off the last packing paper, I noticed there wasn't anything from Emmett. I looked up, tring to keep it cool.

Everyone was looking at Emmett weirdly as he was looking at Alice, his whole face twitching.

"Is he having a seizure?"

"Is that even possible?"

Just as we were about to panic, Alice jumped up.

"OH, I UNDERSTOOD!" She dragged me from my arm.

"But Alice, I didn't-"

"NO, WE NEED TO GO SHOPPING, NOW!"

I noticed that Emmett was not twitching anymore.

_He was up to something._

I kept quiet and let Alice drag me to her car.

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We got home with a zillion bags. I got in the living room and dropped the bags in surprise.

There was a huge stage. With red velvet curtains and all.

Alice smirked and sat me down to a chaair facing the stage.

The lights went out, the curtains opened and a single spotlight pointed to a microphone.

_Oh no._

My family involuntarily staretd clapping.

Then Emmett came in the stage.

"My dear Rosalie, the reason I'm alive, the sexiest girl on planet...

For your birthday, I got you something that money can't buy."

A music that was pretty familiar (but I couldn't remember what it is) started.

It's your birthday so I know you want to riiide out,

_-this can't be true-_

Even if we only go to myyy house

Sip mo- weezy as we sit upon myyy couch

-He took off his shirt-

Feels good, but I know you want to cryyy out

You say you want passion

I think you found it

Get ready for action

Don't be astounded

We switchin' positions

You feel surrounded

Tell me where you want your gift, girl

_-He took off his pants, Edward groaned, Jasper buried his face in Alice's neck and Carlisle shielded his hands in front of his eyes-_

Girl you know I-I-I

Girl you know I-I-I

I've been feenin'

Wake up in the late night...dreamin' about your lovin'

Girl you know I-I-I

Girl you know I-I-I

Don't need candles or cake

just need your body to make good

-he twirled his hips to my face-

Birthday sex

Birthday sex

It's the best day of the year, girl

Birthday sex

Birthday sex

It feels like, feels like... lemme hit that...g-spot g-spot

See you sexy and them jeans got me on 10

1-2-3, think I got you pinned

Don't tap out...fight until the end

_-Edward was making vomiting sounds and Jasper was practically sobbing-_

Ring that bell; we gon start over again

We grindin' wit passion, cuz it's yo birthday

Been at it for hours...I know you thirsty

You kiss me so sweetly...taste just like Hershey's

Just tell me how you want yo gift, girl

First I'm gonna take a dive into the water deep until I know I pleased

that body (body ah oop)

Or girl without a broom I might just sweep you off your feet

_-He was pulling at his boxer's waistband as Carlisle tried to poke out his eyes, Edward was begging Bella to just kill him and end this misery and Jasper was literally crying like a baby-_

And make you wanna tell somebody

(body, how I do)

somebody body how i do

Or maybe we can float on top my water bed you close your eyes as i impry between your legs

We work our way from kitchen stoves, and tables

Girl you know I'm more than able to please, yeah

Say you wanted flowers on the bed (on the bed)

But you got me and now it's on again

_-now he was completely naked and doing a dance-_

(it's the best day of the year, girl)

(lemme know what it feels like, feels like, when I hit that G-spot, G-spot)

He bowed as the song finished. By this point, Edward was hitting his head to the floor, Carlisle had successfully had stuck knives in his eyes and Jasper was on the floor, shaking as he hugged a pillow. Esme forced a clap, Alice and Bella looked like they just ate Mike Newton's gym socks.

I looked at Emmett, my family, then Emmett again.

He was grinning like a fool. I _loved_ that grin.

Then I jumped on him and stuck my tongue down his throat, ignoring the disgusted noises from my family.

**A/N:I was inspired by Jeremiah's song Birthday Sex and a box of cookie dough ice-cream for this story. Don't ask. Please review! =] I'll have Emmett sing for you if you do =] And, italics between lines are Rosalie's observations…**


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